Oh God…You Devil 👿

I said those words to myself last Saturday night. My first book signing was 10 days away and, I hadn’t approved the final proof. 

Ben had been gone all week. I didn’t want to spend the short time he was home in front of the computer. So I kept putting it off. Towards the end of the evening I started to panic a bit. ‘What if they weren’t here in time?’

Ben poured a glass of wine and I apologized and told him it wouldn’t take long. I needed to stop picking it apart. He sat down on the couch and I sat at the computer to release some my most personal thoughts to the world. 

I quickly flipped through the pages and saw a few things that I maybe should have changed. The font is much too light and the very last page is missing a number.

During my final read through I saw a bunch of words that could have been deleted. I use way too many words to get my point across. I always have. 

Ben said “just order it, who cares”!  

I reminded myself that he was right. I wasn’t doing this for anyone’s approval. I was doing it for me.  Besides, God has been on my side during the entire process.

I hit approve and smiled.  It felt good. It had been a long process.

I tried to convert my file to the Kindle version. No luck. I decided I could work on that next week since it wasn’t as critical. Also, Ben was waiting for me to join him. 

I ordered my copies and my heart immediately sank when I saw the delivery date…the Monday AFTER my book signing. I changed the delivery method to expedited and the price completely skyrocketed. I said not a word. I felt pins and needles in my face and said to myself “Oh God, You Devil.”

The 80’s movie came to mind. I only remember one scene in the entire movie. A driver of the car was irritated about the challenge of getting to his destination. The actor that played God explained that there was a reason for the delay. Without the trouble, the driver would have been killed. God gave him trouble to save him.🤔

I think of that concept a lot. Especially over the past five years. There is a reason for everything that happens to us. So when I’m faced with a challenge I try to remember to give thanks because there is always more to the story. 

I said a quick prayer. 

“God, is this a sign that you don’t want me to do this?  Should I just forget about it and just give copies to my close friends and family?”  

I thought about all of the people I would have to notify and cringed at all of the explaining I would have to do. I prayed as I did a few math tricks in my head and found a way to reduce the cost by having them shipped in smaller quantities by different methods. My accounting skills and creative problem solving were coming in handy. 

After I had it solved, I told Ben of the problem and that it was going to take me a little longer than expected. I looked over and he relaxed on the couch with a movie while he waited. 

I shamed myself for not finishing this before he had come home. I thanked God for my gift of solving problems and asked Him not to let me lose sight of Ben in this process going forward.

An hour later my puzzle was solved but my husband was asleep in the couch. I’m not sure the lesson yet but I have faith it will all turn out.